Make sure you hire a car with a SatNav. The signs are not so reliable, and not always where you would expect them....
Most things in South African are more expensive than the rest of the world, but can where else can you possibly get a pair of custom-made false teeth for only $2?
Only one small problem. You may have to test several dozen pairs until you find the perfect fit. Genuine custom-made used false teeth.
South Africans are strong on original ideas. These have been recycled from Johannesburg's undertakers!
Whiplash leads invariably to immobilisation arthritis, in the neck primarily, if those spinal fixations aren't reduced.
Whiplash Chiropractic …
HEAVEN
Eye charts... I hate 'em.
For heavens sake, don't take him shopping
After his retirement, I insisted my husband accompany me on my trips to the mall. I thought it would keep him out of trouble!! But I like to take my time shopping whilst, unfortunately, like most men, he found it boring.
Yesterday I received the following letter from our local shop.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past four months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you, in future.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and said to her, in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor which in turn resulted in a Union Grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to buy a bag of M&Ms on credit.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' resulting in EMTs being called.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sized funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' causing one of our staff to pass out.
SEND HIM INSTEAD TO THE DAY CARE
NOT FOR LAUGHS
POST APARTHEID, POST RACISM, RAINBOW NATION ADVERT...
SENIOR MANAGER GROUP TREASURY - Johannesburg
An excellent urgent position has become available for a CA(SA) to join a major listed telecoms company as Senior Manager Group Treasury:
Ideally this person would be an AA* candidate (African, Coloured, Indian) but White Females will also be accepted (EE**)."
*AA - Affirmative Action
**EE - Empowerment Equity
Said the one hat...
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. Said the one hat to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head..'
Searching for something specific? Say, " Chiropractic Alternative Medicine ". Just type it in here...
STATINS, dangerous stuff!
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,' and she processed my Social Security application ..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
FOODS THAT LOWER CHOLESTEROL ...better than statins!
CHIROPRACTOR'S DREAM MACHINE
Could a mishap on this dream machine cause a Tietzes Syndrome? You betcha! Direct trauma to the rib cage and breastbone by a steel Spinous Process could do some interesting things...
TIETZES SYNDROME CaseFile ...
ENJOY THE TENOR OF THIS SITE?
Two of my books are now available for only $2.99. Whilst allowing you the priviledge of being a fly on the wall at the Chiropractic Clinic, learning how Chiropractic can help your colicky kid, fix your painful coccyx, save you from a back operation... they are loaded with the hilarious and the tragic.
The doctor who is harshly crictical of Bernie taking X-rays until he decides to visit the clinic one day. A visit to the darkroom reveals an X-ray of a patient just interviewed - a vertebra in her neck destroyed by cancer shatters them both. No special reader, it's in a pdf file. All for $2.99. TOTAL satisfaction or your money back. I feel safe! No one has yet asked for their money! Just go to Our Store... NOW!
RUNNING LATE
Is your doctor always running late ...?
RUNNING LATE ...
Velly puny...Just for laughs
A manipulator in Egypt is known as a Cairopractor. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine .
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
'Missing' man dead in shower
Decomposing body found in hospital bathroom
Nov 29, 2009 11:05 PM | By Nkosana Lekotjolo
Itumeleng Motaung, who was admitted to George Stegman hospital in North West province, was found dead in the hospital bathroom more than two months after nurses reported him missing.
From the KERRYMAN
Just for laughs, the best Medicine, ... er, Chiropractic!
Well, this one isn't South African humour. It's even better! From the land of Murphy you'll love Laughs Kerryman. Dear Son, ...
Laughs Kerryman ... You'll hose yourself!
If you love art, this is a Kerryman worth visiting.
Enjoy our Best Medicine - hope your survive the iatrogenic effect of our laughs!
An innovative way to stop thieves
An innovative way to stop thieves
South Africans have become world innovators in Crime-Stop. This man thought a lion on the loose in his workshop overnight might discourage thieves ...
Enjoying a SWEET PEE can be problematic in the bushveld.
The real McCoy
Having seen the King of the Jungle for real, though as every South African has the privilege of seeing, thieves wouldn't be fooled for long. On a dark night....?
ZAPIRO, SOUTH AFRICAN genius supreme!
This is the most popular way of seeing South Africa ...
TAKE THE ALZHEIMERS TEST
During a visit to the Town Hill mental asylum in Pietermaritzburg, I asked the director how they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or one facing the wall?"
SOUTH AFRICAN ROAD SIGNS
If you've been to South Africa before I'm sure you've seen a baboon before. Usually, in the game parks, you find them first in pictures where he's in the sights of a rifle, aimed at persuading visitors not to feed them.
This is a different view of our favourite ape, the Springbok rugby team coach. Anyone familiar with the South African bushveldt scene would recognise him. Or is he a clown? Defending Schalk Burger after an eight week suspension for foul play on a British Lions player, this ape said: "If we want to eye-gouge a lion, we normally go down to the bushveld."
The only problem is that they often don't have brakes and managing the steeper gradients can be tricky ...
This croc however found something rather more challenging than a wheelchair maniac racing towards him. After the mosquito (and man!) these are the probably the two most dangerous animals in Africa. This time the croc came off second best ...
A familiar scene at the bottom of many a South African hill ...
It's only a short distance to the Casualty at the nearest hospital ...
And a South African street ...
And what we expats remember best ... The Tooth.
GOVERNED, a knife edge
Most of the world is sick and tired of politicians and being over-governed. Oddly, South Africans long to be governed - it may be irksome, but it does provide for a certain happiness in contrast to the mayhem of an ungoverned state.
"To be governed is to be, at every operation, every transaction, noted, counted, registered, taxed, stamped, measured, numbered, assessed, licensed, authorized, admonished, prevented, forbidden, reformed, corrected, punished."
- Pierre-Joseph Proudhon
PEANUT GALLERY ... a presumed fictitious but fun conversation between Albert Einstein and an atheistic professor.
Far more dangerous, a Dutch staircase. CHIROPRACTIC HELP Safety on the Stairs
ANKLE FRACTURE ...
Go from JUST FOR LAUGHS to BAPTISO TO IMMERSE
ALL THE MEN SWOONED ...
Not for laughs! Doctors are deliberately infecting patients with worms ... you can't be serious! DISEASES OF THE IMMUNE SYSTEM
"Patients don’t want to look stupid, Doctor. " GOLDEN CHIROPRACTIC RULE 4 ...
Toscanini Celery Soup ...
MONTHLY NEWSLETTER
Chiropractic-Help.com and Bernard-Preston.com send out a joint monthly newsletter. It covers an overview of a health topic (June 2010 issue #15 Tietzes Syndrome. Breastbone pain., always a nutritional corner (such as Cholesterol /Statins and aching legs), and a piece from Bernard Preston.
Sign up at the bottom of any Chiropractic Help Page, for example this one on the Causes of Osteoporosis, the most important page at Chiropractic Help. The newsletter is free, and one click cancels it if you find it boring.
Causes of Osteoporosis …
JUST FOR LAUGHS
Did you find this page useful? Then perhaps forward JUST FOR LAUGHS to a fellow bookworm.
Bought that copy of Stones in my Clog? It's only $2.99. Take a trip throught Holland and learn more about better health with Chiropractic. Cry with Bernie when he's fired... for fumbling a boob? Really...?
